Grieving:
A Beginner's Guide
by Jerusha
Hull McCormack
Paraclete Press, 2006
review
by Janet
Ann Collins
As the old saw goes, there are only two things certain in life:
Death and Taxes. As true as that is, it’s also true that no
one who takes up residence on this planet can pass through without
experiencing grief. The 23rd Psalm has it right—as often as
we pass through verdant pastures, just beyond lies the valley of
the shadow of death. In her new book, noted Oscar Wilde scholar
Jerusha Hull McCormack serves as a tour guide through the dark valley
and shows us how it can be one of the most liberating experiences
of life.
In
a profound way, McCormack recognizes that not everyone has the same
world-view and that getting through the most difficult times is
accomplished only by doing what works best for each individual.
Her central message is this:
we all have the right to grieve in the way that works for us and
should resist being pushed into the mold our culture or people trying
to help may impose on us. Moreover, McCormack shows
how grief can become a positive part of our lives. She writes,
Try
to remember: However others may see you, you are greater than
your grieving. You are still the self you always were. And now
you have the chance to become more than that: somebody who has
touched the very centre [sic] of human experience and found that,
in so doing, you are forever changed. You have entered a larger
world. Do not subscribe to the notion of yourself as poor or someone
to be pitied. Grieving does not impoverish; it enriches.
Practical
suggestions include not trying to hide or avoid pain and using imagination
as a tool. McCormack explains what to expect while dealing with
grief, how to know if professional counseling is needed, and possible
actions and attitudes to help in building a new life afterwards.
As she writes,
We
are all amateurs at grief, it comes to us all; we must all go
through it. To treat grief as a problem to be fixed, or (worse
still) to medicalize it, is to rob us of the extraordinary privilege
of encountering this experience on our terms: for each of us has
our own way of grieving, and each of us has something special
to learn from the process.
The
last chapter is for people trying to minister to the bereaved and
includes things that shouldn’t be done as well as those that
can help. Even while giving lists and other down to earth information,
the author writes in a literary style that makes reading her book
a pleasure in spite of the sad topic. As McCormack says,
Suffering
breaks down the walls within us, so that we become weak, so that
we become helpless, so that we must open ourselves to others and
even perhaps to the great Other whom we call God. It is the means
by which we give ourselves away and allow others to give themselves
to us…Without such darkness no places in our lives would
shine.
Beautiful
poetry on related topics is interspersed throughout the book. But
because they take up entire pages, the poems sometimes interrupt
sentences or thoughts. It might have been more appropriate to put
them at the beginnings or ends of chapters or insert them in the
text where they are most relevant.
Nevertheless,
I had just finished reading Grieving: A Beginner’s Guide
and was preparing to write this review, when I learned my aunt had
died. I immediately ordered copies for my cousins to help them through
their grieving. McCormack’s book will probably help many other
people, too.
Copyright
©2006 Janet Ann Collins
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purchase a copy of GRIEVING:
A BEGINNER'S GUIDE, visit amazon.com. This link is provided
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