Part Three- Being Real About Yourself  
 
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What is Benedictine spirituality?
 

"True fearlessness
comes from the
knowledge that
we will never
lie to ourselves,
that we will
never evade a
single moment
of our lives. We
will be fully
present for
every moment
and every
consequence."

Shylpa Rinpoche
Shambhala Sun
May 2003

 
 

"Enter into
yourself,
therefore, and
observe that
your soul loves
itself most
fervently."

St. Bonaventure

 
 

"What a man
thinks of
himself ...
determines,
or rather
indicates, his
fate."

Henry David
Thoreau

 
 

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Most commentators would agree that the road to authentic life begins with an examination of the self. Being honest about our fear, our anger, and our shortcomings is the beginning of maturity. When we are open and trusting enough in our relationships to confide in others about our shadow side, then we are on the road to authenticity and peace.

It is important at least to tell from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are--even if we tell it only to ourselves--because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing. It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier that way to see where we have been in our lives and where we are going. It also makes it easier for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own, and exchanges like that have a lot to do with what being a family is all about and what being human is all about. Finally, I suspect that it is by entering that deep place inside us where our secrets are kept that we come perhaps closer than we do anywhere else to the One who, whether we realize it or not, is of all our secrets the most telling and the most precious we have to tell.
--Frederick Buechner, Telling Secrets (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1991) 2-3.

I must listen to my life telling me who I am. I must listen for the truths and the values at the heart of my identity, not the standards by which [I think] I must live--but the standards by which I cannot help but live if I am living my own life.

Behind this understanding of [self] is a truth that the ego does not want to hear because it threatens the ego’s turf: everyone has a life that is different from the “I” of daily consciousness, a life that is trying to live through the “I” who is its vessel. This is what … every wisdom tradition teaches: there is a great gulf between the way my ego wants to identify me, with its protective masks and self-serving fictions, and my true self.

It takes time and hard experience to sense the difference between the two--to sense that running beneath the surface of the experience I call my life, there is a deeper and truer life waiting to be acknowledged. That fact alone makes “listen to your life” difficult counsel to follow. The difficulty is compounded by the fact that from our first days in school, we are taught to listen to everything and everyone else but ourselves, to take all our clues about living from the peoples and powers around us. ...

But if I am to let my life speak things I want to hear, things I would gladly tell others, I must also let it speak things I do not want to hear and would never tell anyone else! My life is not only about my strength and virtues; it is also about my liabilities and my limits, my trespasses and my shadow. An inevitable though often ignored dimension of the quest for “wholeness” is that we must embrace what we dislike or find shameful about ourselves as well as what we are confident and proud of. …

Our lives are “experiments with truth” (to borrow the subtitle of Gandhi’s autobiography), and in an experiment negative results are at least as important as successes. I have no idea how I would have learned the truth about myself and my calling without the mistakes I have made.
--Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak, (Somerset, NJ:Jossey-Bass, 1999) 4-7.

To live well in this world, we must steep ourselves in the mind of God. We must ask what God wants for the world, rather than simply what we want for our private and personal, our public and national and political selves. We have bartered the future for the sake of the comfort of a few, but no peoples have the right to gobble up the world for their own sakes. We must all come again to fear God. We’ve made ourselves the gods of the 21st century to whom the rest of the world pays tribute, from whom much is sacrificed by those least able to sacrifice it, and because of whom both blessing and chaos happen. …

No doubt about it, there’s great room for fear of God here. The arrogance of those who make themselves the center of the universe is destroying our world, and our technology has outstripped our souls. No, superiority has not saved us. We need the wisdom of humility now. We need that quality of life that makes it possible for people to see beyond themselves to value the other, to touch the world gently and peacefully and make the whole world better as we go.

Peace is a Benedictine value, and we need it now. Benedictine spirituality is a spirituality consciously designed to disarm the heart, to soften the soul, to quiet the turmoil within. It is a vision of nonviolence in a world for which violence is the air we breathe, the songs we sing, in our national anthems, the heroes we worship, and the business we do. ... Be soft with others, the [Benedictine] Rule teaches, and you will have peace. Be simple in your needs, and you will have peace. Be humble in what you demand of life, and you will have peace. Be giving in what you take to life, and you will have peace. Refuse to make war on the innocent others in order to vanquish your political enemies, and you will have peace. And stop the wars within yourself, and you will have peace. Peace comes from not allowing any part of us to control the better rest of us. Peace depends on our being gentle with ourselves, gentle with the earth, and gentle with the other.
--Joan Chittister

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