A Hunger for God

"So what now?" [my spiritual director] heard me say. She had explained my hungry condition to me; I understood it now, but I was still in an "effort" mode. I was waiting for my next assignment--a list of disciplines and books and behaviors that could satisfy the hunger; fix the problem. But what she gently and lovingly led me into was a major shift in my spiritual life--from active to passive, from controlling to allowing, from directing to participating, from trying harder to letting go, from working so hard to be worthy and to get it right to being available for God's work in me.

At first it seemed too simple. Okay, I get it; I can quit striving, quit trying so hard and allow God to work with me. Easy. I found, however, that control of my own spiritual process was deeply ingrained. And horror of horrors, I was going to have to stop talking and analyzing and start listening. How does one DO that? What would I do without my ladder list to spiritual health? How could I trust God to really direct my life? What if I had to do things that I didn't want to do; contemporary equivalents of Old Testament sacrifices? Was I really being asked to let my agenda for my life evaporate? Disappear? After all, I lived in my skin; I could just read the Bible and figure out what would be best. NOT SO. I had to let go of control.

--from the reflection "A Hunger for God"
by Linda Douty

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